Facebook assumes I like things, is sorely mistaken

28 Jun

I haven’t had a good argument with nothing in a good while, and I was planning a variation on this post anyway, but urgent things are occurring: Facebook, without my knowing consent, slapped a “…likes The Chris Moyles Show” on my profile.

I can’t feel any real disgust over what is most likely a technical glitch, and if Facebook is going to accidentally cite my enjoyment of something it might as well be a harmless if uninspired radio show rather than, say, this. But this “Like” feature – it’s a bit shit, isn’t it? At best it’s an incredibly lazy method of adding to your ‘About Me’ section, at worst it’s a profoundly annoying cause of spam. Blame mainly lies with Facebook for not being able to differentiate between an interesting piece of new information about someone (they like the same band as you? Great!) and a hopelessly mundane, utterly pointless statement of belief they partly share, usually related to sandwiches, the phrase “I was shocked when”, sex, or romantic advice gleaned from the diaries of fourteen-year old amateur poets. There is not a single one of these “I agree with this” groups that isn’t either equal to or worse than the average status update in terms of networking worth, which happens to be back-breakingly low as it is. The only difference is that someone might update their status once or twice a day, whereas people ‘Like’ hundreds of these profiles – the person who I nicked that example group above has declared her love for 121 Activities, 37 music pages, and 3021 in the Other category. Three-thousand and twenty-one!

Even worse than this nightmarish adaptation of the hateful ‘Become a Fan’ (a truly awful few months for the Internet – millions of people holding content ransom to join numbers and page views) is the ability to ‘Like’ specific comments and updates. I genuinely wonder why people who use this feature are on Facebook – the apparently incomprehensible concept of actually communicating with friends is fucked arseways until it looks like a tiny fucking thumps up symbol, an absolutely meaningless substitute for saying something  – anything – relevant or interesting. A stupid, value-deficient note conveying little other than “I READ THIS.” Imagine trying to have a conversation with someone who willingly and consciously does nothing but nod his head whenever you speak. It is like that, only it is impossible to slap both sides of their head rather hard at the same time.


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