Non-Internet Monstrosities – BNP campaign leaflets

14 Jul

Update: Haha. Hahahaha. Ha.

Landing on my doormat with a terrifying paf (it’s only a one-page leaflet) the other day was a piece of fairly glossy paper geadlines with the words “The NEW Battle For Britain” (caps lock not mine) which had me worried for a minute because I thought we were back at war with the Nazis. Fortunately, I ended up only being slightly less worried – it was a pamphlet trying to convince me and my family to vote for the BNP in the EU Parliament elections this summer. I don’t know how they got our address, but they must – at the very least – know we’re white.

Immediately failing to grasp a word that might be described as “comparable to iron”, this publication –  which, as aforementioned, aimed to get the BNP into the EU Parliament – bellows “NO to EU rule”, which I guess is along the lines of Charlton Heston trying to win a Soylent Green cooking contest. It also makes the rather puzzling promise to put British people first, as if all the other parties are insisting on putting Hong Kong first, which would certainly give party boradcasts a bit of the element of surprise about them.

Speaking of those, I’ve only seen two – the Conservative one and the Christian Party one – but the latter had a black dude in it so I think I’ll vote for them. Y’know, just to piss off the BNP.

There’s plenty to analyse about the front of this leaflet – and by analyse I mean point and giggle – but it’s the back that really brings the laughs. here it is in all it’s less right-angled glory.

More pictures of whitey, obviously, because the BNP is smart and knows it can win massive elections by targeting the extremist minority of a single ethnic background, and not bother with all those useless ‘politically correct’ voters at all. Harr harr! Gordon CLOWN (do you get it it’s funny because it rhymes with Brown which is his name) should watch his back, they’ve got a fucking DOCTOR. And three builders. An some old people.

“I’m voting BNP because I see what immigration has done to the NHS”, says a creepy anonymous man in a white coat. Though since the NHS is short-staffed and migrant Doctors and nurses provide some much-needed manpower as well as the skills required, I can only assume he’s not so much a doctor as someone who took the coat of one of the men who came to put him in the van with the flashing lights. Vroooooooom!

Not that this leaflet suggests the BNP are particularly economically-minded, warning the poor pricks like me who consent to reading this shit on ‘cut-throat foreign competition’ that are, as a non-brown person once said, “taking our jobs”. If British workers can’t do the same work as migrant workers or don’t have the same skills, then maybe they SHOULD be taking ‘our’ jobs, and if they’re willing to do the same job for lower wages, then tough shit – you got undercut. That’s the free market for you, I guess – though I hear North Korea ain’t down with that, maybe you should go live there. Oh wait, that would make you immigrants, and would instantly void all your benefits and potential contributions to society. Also, what he hell is with the line about globalisation dragging down wages? Wages rise with inflation, which pretty much carries on except in a depression, and the Minimum Wage is a part of the EU Social Charter.

The crown jewel of this polished turd (the paper feels quite nice if I’m honest) is that red banner, which smugly lists some battles that people from the same landmass as members of the BNP fought in, and somehow allow chubby builders who weren’t even alive for most of them to not have to converse with dem immee-grents. I mean, motherfucking D-Day? I don’t recall any history books saying Nick Griffin was at the Normandy landings, and even if he somehow was, then I doubt it would be on the same side as the ones climbing out of the boats.

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